“I see it with pain,” repeated Bella, “and it often makes me miserable. Miserable, because I cannot bear to be supposed to approve of it, or have any indirect share in it. Miserable, because I cannot bear to be forced to admit to myself that Fortune is spoiling Mr. Boffin.”
“Miss Wilfer,” said the Secretary, with a beaming face, “if you could know with what delight I make the discovery that Fortune is not spoiling you, you would know that it more than compensates me for any slight at any other hands.”
“Oh, don’t speak of me,” said Bella, giving herself an impatient little slap with her glove. “You don’t know me as well as—”
“As you know yourself?” suggested the Secretary, finding that she stopped. “Do you know yourself?”
“I know quite enough of myself,” said Bella, with a charming air of being inclined to give herself up as a bad job, “and I don’t improve upon acquaintance. But Mr. Boffin.”
“That Mr. Boffin’s manner to me, or consideration for me, is not what it used to be,” observed the Secretary, “must be admitted. It is too plain to be denied.” “Are you disposed to deny it, Mr. Rokesmith?” asked Bella, with a look of wonder.
“Ought I not to be glad to do so, if I could: though it were only for my own sake?”
“Truly,” returned Bella, “it must try you very much, and — you must please promise me that you won’t take ill what I am going to add, Mr. Rokesmith?”
“I promise it with all my heart.”
“— And it must sometimes, I should think,” said Bella, hesitating, “a little lower you in your own estimation?”
Assenting with a movement of his head, though not at all looking as if it did, the Secretary replied:
“I have very strong reasons, Miss Wilfer, for bearing with the drawbacks of my position in the house we both inhabit. Believe that they are not all mercenary, although I have, through a series of strange fatalities, faded out of my place in life. If what you see with such a gracious and good sympathy is calculated to rouse my pride, there are other considerations (and those you do not see) urging me to quiet endurance. The latter are by far the stronger.”
“I think I have noticed, Mr. Rokesmith,” said Bella, looking at him with curiosity, as not quite making him out, “that you repress yourself, and force yourself, to act a passive part.”
“You are right. I repress myself and force myself to act a part. It is not in tameness of spirit that I submit. I have a settled purpose.”
“And a good one, I hope,” said Bella.
“And a good one, I hope,” he answered, looking steadily at her.
“Sometimes I have fancied, sir,” said Bella, turning away her eyes, “that your great regard for Mrs. Boffin is a very powerful motive with you.”
“You are right again; it is. I would do anything for her, bear anything for her. There are no words to express how I esteem that good, good woman.”
“As I do too! May I ask you one thing more, Mr. Rokesmith?”
“Anything more.”