Till now that she was threatened with its loss, Emma had never known how much of her happiness depended
on being first with Mr. Knightley, first in interest and affection. - Satisfied that it was so, and feeling it her
due, she had enjoyed it without reflection; and only in the dread of being supplanted, found how inexpressibly
important it had been. - Long, very long, she felt she had been first; for, having no female connexions of
his own, there had been only Isabella whose claims could be compared with hers, and she had always
known exactly how far he loved and esteemed Isabella. She had herself been first with him for many
years past. She had not deserved it; she had often been negligent or perverse, slighting his advice, or
even wilfully opposing him, insensible of half his merits, and quarrelling with him because he would not
acknowledge her false and insolent estimate of her own - but still, from family attachment and habit, and
thorough excellence of mind, he had loved her, and watched over her from a girl, with an endeavour to
improve her, and an anxiety for her doing right, which no other creature had at all shared. In spite of
all her faults, she knew she was dear to him; might she not say, very dear? - When the suggestions of
hope, however, which must follow here, presented themselves, she could not presume to indulge them.
Harriet Smith might think herself not unworthy of being peculiarly, exclusively, passionately loved by Mr.
Knightley. She could not. She could not flatter herself with any idea of blindness in his attachment to
her. She had received a very recent proof of its impartiality. - How shocked had he been by her behaviour
to Miss Bates! How directly, how strongly had he expressed himself to her on the subject! - Not too
strongly for the offence - but far, far too strongly to issue from any feeling softer than upright justice and
clear-sighted goodwill. - She had no hope, nothing to deserve the name of hope, that he could have
that sort of affection for herself which was now in question; but there was a hope (at times a slight one,
at times much stronger,) that Harriet might have deceived herself, and be overrating his regard for her. -
Wish it she must, for his sake - be the consequence nothing to herself, but his remaining single all
his life. Could she be secure of that, indeed, of his never marrying at all, she believed she should be
perfectly satisfied. - Let him but continue the same Mr. Knightley to her and her father, the same Mr.
Knightley to all the world; let Donwell and Hartfield lose none of their precious intercourse of friendship
and confidence, and her peace would be fully secured. - Marriage, in fact, would not do for her. It would
be incompatible with what she owed to her father, and with what she felt for him. Nothing should separate
her from her father. She would not marry, even if she were asked by Mr. Knightley.
It must be her ardent wish that Harriet might be disappointed; and she hoped, that when able to see
them together again, she might at least be able to ascertain what the chances for it were. - She should
see them henceforward with the closest observance; and wretchedly as she had hitherto misunderstood
even those she was watching, she did not know how to admit that she could be blinded here. - He was
expected back every day. The power of observation would be soon given - frightfully soon it appeared
when her thoughts were in one course. In the meanwhile, she resolved against seeing Harriet. - It would
do neither of them good, it would do the subject no good, to be talking of it farther. - She was resolved
not to be convinced, as long as she could doubt, and yet had no authority for opposing Harriet's confidence.
To talk would be only to irritate. - She wrote to her, therefore, kindly, but decisively, to beg that she would
not, at present, come to Hartfield; acknowledging it to be her conviction, that all farther confidential discussion
of one topic had better be avoided; and hoping, that if a few days were allowed to pass before they met
again, except in the company of others - she objected only to a tete-a-tete - they might be able to act as
if they had forgotten the conversation of yesterday. - Harriet submitted, and approved, and was grateful.
This point was just arranged, when a visitor arrived to tear Emma's thoughts a little from the one subject
which had engrossed them, sleeping or waking, the last twenty-four hours - Mrs. Weston, who had been
calling on her daughter-in-law elect, and took Hartfield in her way home, almost as much in duty to Emma
as in pleasure to herself, to relate all the particulars of so interesting an interview.
Mr. Weston had accompanied her to Mrs. Bates's, and gone through his share of this essential attention
most handsomely; but she having then induced Miss Fairfax to join her in an airing, was now returned
with much more to say, and much more to say with satisfaction, than a quarter of an hour spent in Mrs.
Bates's parlour, with all the encumbrance of awkward feelings, could have afforded.