“Do wi’ ’em! Why, peppers every one’s faces as we comes near, ’cept the young gals, and breaks windows wi’ them too, some on ’em shoots so hard. Now ’twas just here last June, as we was a driving up the first-day boys, they was mendin’ a quarter-mile of road, and there was a lot of Irish chaps, reg’lar roughs, a breaking stones. As we comes up, ‘Now, boys,’ says young gent on the box (smart young fellow and desper’t reckless), ‘here’s fun! let the Pats have it about the ears.’ ‘God’s sake, sir!’ says Bob (that’s my mate the coachman), ‘don’t go for to shoot at ’em, they’ll knock us off the coach.’ ‘Damme, Coachee,’ says young my lord, ‘you ain’t afraid; hoora, boys! let ’em have it.’ ‘Hoora!’ sings out the others, and fill their mouths chock full of peas to last the whole line. Bob seeing as ’twas to come, knocks his hat over his eyes, hollers to his ’osses, and shakes ’em up, and away we goes up to the line on ’em, twenty miles an hour. The Pats begin to hoora too, thinking it was a runaway, and first lot on ’em stands grinnin’ and wavin’ their old hats as we comes abreast on ’em; and then you’d ha’ laughed to see how took aback and choking savage they looked, when they gets the peas a stinging all over ’em. But bless you, the laugh weren’t all of our side, sir, by a long way. We was going so fast, and they was so took aback, that they didn’t take what was up till we was half-way up the line. Then ’twas, ‘look out all,’ surely. They howls all down the line fit to frighten you, some on ’em runs arter us and tries to clamber up behind, only we hits ’em over the fingers and pulls their hands off; one as had had it very sharp act’ly runs right at the leaders, as though he’d ketch ’em by the heads, only luck’ly for him he misses his tip, and comes over a heap o’ stones first. The rest picks up stones, and gives it us right away till we gets out of shot, the young gents holding out werry manful with the pea-shooters and such stones as lodged on us, and a pretty many there was too. Then Bob picks hisself up again, and looks at young gent on box werry solemn. Bob’d had a rum un in the ribs, which’d like to ha’ knocked him off the box, or made him drop the reins. Young gent on box picks hisself up, and so does we all, and looks round to count damage. Box’s head cut open and his hat gone; ’nother young gent’s hat gone; mine knocked in at the side, and not one on us as wasn’t black and blue somewheres or another, most on ’em all over. Two pound ten to pay for damage to paint, which they subscribed for there and then, and give Bob and me a extra half- sovereign each; but I wouldn’t go down that line again not for twenty half-sovereigns.” And the guard shook his head slowly, and got up and blew a clear, brisk toot-toot.
“What fun!” said Tom, who could scarcely contain his pride at this exploit of his future school-fellows. He longed already for the end of the half that he might join them.
“ ’Taint such good fun though, sir, for the folk as meets the coach, nor for we who has to go back with it next day. Them Irishers last summer had all got stones ready for us, and was all but letting drive, and we’d got two reverend gents aboard too. We pulled up at the beginning of the line, and pacified them, and we’re never going to carry no more pea-shooters, unless they promises not to fire where there’s a line of Irish chaps a stone-breaking.” The guard stopped and pulled away at his cheroot, regarding Tom benignantly the while.
“Oh, don’t stop! tell us something more about the pea-shooting.”
“Well, there’d like to have been a pretty piece of work over it at Bicester, a while back. We was six mile from the town, when we meets an old square-headed gray-haired yeoman chap, a jogging along quite quiet. He looks up at the coach, and just then a pea hits him on the nose, and some catches his cob behind and makes him dance up on his hind legs. I see’d the old boy’s face flush and look plaguy awkward, and I thought we was in for somethin’ nasty.
“He turns his cob’s head, and rides quietly after us just out of shot. How that ’ere cob did step! we never shook him off not a dozen yards in the six miles. At first the young gents was werry lively on him; but afore we got in, seeing how steady the old chap come on, they was quite quiet, and laid their heads together what they should do. Some was for fighting, some for axing his pardon. He rides into the town close after us, comes up when we stops, and says the two as shot at him must come before a magistrate; and a great crowd comes round, and we couldn’t get the osses to. But the young ’uns they all stand by one another, and says all or none must go, and as how they’d fight it out, and have to be carried. Just as ’twas gettin’ serious, and the old boy and the mob was going to pull ’em off the coach, one little fellow