BLOOM (Elbowing through the crowd plucks Stephen's sleeve vigorously.) Come now, professor, that
carman is waiting.
STEPHEN (Turns.) Eh? (He disengages himself) Why should I not speak to him or to any human being
who walks upright upon this oblate orange? (He points his finger.) I'm not afraid of what I can talk to if I
see his eye. Retaining the perpendicular.
(He staggers a pace back.)
BLOOM (Propping him.) Retain your own.
STEPHEN (Laughs emptily.) My centre of gravity is displaced. I have forgotten the trick. Let us sit down
somewhere and discuss. Struggle for life is the law of existence but modern philirenists, notably the tsar
and the king of England, have invented arbitration. (He taps his brow.) But in here it is I must kill the
priest and the king.
BIDDY THE CLAP Did you hear what the professor said? He's a professor out of the college.
CUNTY KATE I did. I heard that.
BIDDY THE CLAP He expresses himself with much marked refinement of phraseology.
CUNTY KATE Indeed, yes. And at the same time with such apposite trenchancy.
PRIVATE CARR (Pulls himself free and comes forward.) What's that you're saying about my king?
(Edward the Seventh appears in an archway. He wears a white jersey on which an image of the Sacred
Heart is stitched, with the insignia of Garter and Thistle, Golden Fleece, Elephant of Denmark, Skinners' and
Probyns' horse, Lincoln's Inn bencher and ancient and honourable artillery company of Massachusetts.
He sucks a red jujube. He is robed as a grand elect perfect and sublime mason with trowel and apron,
marked made in Germany. In his left hand he holds a plasterers bucket on which is printed: Défense
d'uriner. A roar of welcome greets him.)
EDWARD THE SEVENTH (Slowly, solemnly but indistinctly.) Peace, perfect peace. For identification
bucket in my hand. Cheerio, boys. (He turns to his subjects.) We have come here to witness a clean
straight fight and we heartily wish both men the best of good luck. Mahak makar a back.
(He shakes hands with Private Carr, Private Compton, Stephen, Bloom and Lynch. General applause.
Edward the Seventh lifts the bucket graciously in acknowledgement.)
PRIVATE CARR (To Stephen.) Say it again.
STEPHEN (Nervous, friendly, pulls himself up.) I understand your point of view, though I have no king
myself for the moment. This is the age of patent medicine. A discussion is difficult down here. But this
is the point. You die for your country, suppose. (He places his arm on Private Carr's sleeve.) Not that I
wish it for you. But I say: Let my country die for me. Up to the present it has done so. I don't want it to
die. Damn death. Long live life!
EDWARD THE SEVENTH (Levitates over heaps of slain in the garb and with the halo of Joking Jesus, a
white jujube in his phosphorescent face.)
My methods are new and are causing surprise.
To make the blind see I throw dust in their eyes.
STEPHEN Kings and unicorns! (He falls back a pace.) Come somewhere and we'll... What was that girl saying?...