“But I don’t want the horses.”
“You can sell them; you will get twice as much for them at the nearest fair.”
“All the more reason why you should sell them yourself, if you are sure you could make twice as much.”
“I know I should; but I want you to have some profit.”
Tchitchikoff returned thanks for Nozdreff’s friendly intentions, and flatly declined to purchase either the grey horse or the chestnut mare.
“Well, then, buy a dog. I’ll sell you such a couple that on seeing them cold chills will run over your skin! Brudastayas4 with whiskers; their hair stands up like bristles; the curves of their loins are something inconceivable, and their paws are round like balls.”
“And what have I to do with dogs; I am not a sportsman.”
“But I want you to have some dogs. Listen: if you won’t take a dog, buy my hand-organ. It’s a wonderful hand-organ! As I am an honest man, it cost me fifteen hundred roubles. I will let you have it for nine hundred.”
“And why should I buy a hand-organ? I am not a German, to drag it along the road and beg for money.”
“But this is not the sort of hand-organ that the Germans use. It’s a valuable instrument; examine it closely; it’s all of mahogany. Here, I’ll show it to you once more.” Here Nozdreff, seizing Tchitchikoff by the hand, began to drag him into another room; and although our hero stamped his feet and protested that he already knew all about the hand-organ, he was forced to listen once more to the tune describing the manner in which “Malbrook” (Marlborough) went to the war.
“If you won’t give me any money, then, this is what I will do. Listen! I will let you have the hand-organ and all the dead souls I have, and you shall give me your britchka and three hundred roubles bonus.”
“Come, that’s an idea! And what am I to travel in?”
“I will give you another britchka. Come, let’s go to the carriage-house, and I will show it to you. You need only have it painted over, and it will be a wonder of a britchka.”
“Why, some devil has deprived this fellow of his senses!” said Tchitchikoff to himself; and he resolved, at any cost, to get rid of all britchkas, hand-organs, and dogs with inconceivable cask-shaped ribs and ball-shaped paws.
“Then it’s to be the britchka, the hand-organ, and the dead souls all together.”
“No; I won’t have them!” said Tchitchikoff once more.
“Why won’t you?”
“Simply because I won’t; and that’s enough.”
“Well, what a fellow you are, to be sure! I see that it is impossible to get on with you like a good friend and comrade—that’s a fact! It is evident that you are a double-faced man.”
“So I’m a knave, am I? Well, judge for yourself: why should I acquire a thing which is absolutely useless to me?”
“Well, please don’t mention it. I know you very well, now. A thorough knave, truly! Now, listen; if you like, we’ll have a faro bank. I will stake all the dead souls on one card, and the hand-organ to boot.”