Lord Goring Extraordinary thing about the lower class in England—they are always losing their relations.

Phipps Yes, my lord! They are extremely fortunate in that respect.

Lord Goring (turns round and looks at him. Phipps remains impassive) Hum! Any letters, Phipps?

Phipps Three, my lord. (Hands letters on a salver)

Lord Goring (takes letters) Want my cab round in twenty minutes.

Phipps Yes, my lord.

Goes towards door

Lord Goring (holds up letter in pink envelope)° Ahem! Phipps, when did this letter arrive?

Phipps It was brought by hand just after your lordship went to the Club.

Lord Goring That will do.

Exit Phipps

Lady Chiltern’s handwriting on Lady Chiltern’s pink notepaper. That is rather curious. I thought Robert was to write. Wonder what Lady Chiltern has got to say to me? (Sits at bureau, opens letter, and reads it) ‘I want you. I trust you. I am coming to you. Gertrude.’ (Puts down the letter with a puzzled look. Then takes it up, and reads it again slowly) ‘I want you. I trust you. I am coming to you.’ So she has found out everything! Poor woman! Poor woman! (Pulls out watch and looks at it) But what an hour to call! Ten o’clock! I shall have to give up going to the Berkshires’. However, it is always nice to be expected, and not to arrive. I am not expected at the Bachelors’, so I shall certainly go there. Well, I will make her stand by her husband. That is the only thing for her to do. That is the only thing for any woman to do. It is the growth of the moral sense in women that makes marriage such a hopeless, one- sided institution. Ten o’clock. She should be here soon. I must tell Phipps I am not in to anyone else.

Goes towards bell. Enter Phipps

Phipps Lord Caversham.°

Lord Goring Oh, why will parents always appear at the wrong time? Some extraordinary mistake in nature, I suppose.

Enter Lord Caversham

Delighted to see you, my dear father.

Goes to meet him

Lord Caversham Take my cloak off.

Lord Goring Is it worth while, father?

Lord Caversham Of course it is worth while, sir. Which is the most comfortable chair?

Lord Goring This one, father. It is the chair I use myself, when I have visitors.

Lord Caversham Thank ye. No draught, I hope, in this room?

Lord Goring No, father.

  By PanEris using Melati.

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