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Returning on the poop I approached Gambril. His face, set with hollow shadows in the light, looked awful, finally silenced. I asked him how he felt, but hardly expected an answer. Therefore, I was astonished at his comparative loquacity. Them shakes leaves me as weak as a kitten, sir, he said, preserving finely that air of unconsciousness as to anything but his business a helmsman should never lose. And before I can pick up my strength that there hot fit comes along and knocks me over again. He sighed. There was no reproach in his tone, but the bare words were enough to give me a horrible pang of self-reproach. It held me dumb for a time. When the tormenting sensation had passed off I asked: Do you feel strong enough to prevent the rudder taking charge if she gets sternway on her? It wouldnt do to get something smashed about the steering-gear now. Weve enough difficulties to cope with as it is. He answered with just a shade of weariness that he was strong enough to hang on. He could promise me that she shouldnt take the wheel out of his hands. More he couldnt say. At that moment Ransome appeared quite close to me, stepping out of the darkness into visibility suddenly, as if just created with his composed face and pleasant voice. Every rope on deck, he said, was laid down clear for running, as far as one could make certain by feeling. It was impossible to see anything. Frenchy had stationed himself forward. He said he had a jump or two left in him yet. Here a faint smile altered for an instant the clear, firm design of Ransomes lips. With his serious clear, gray eyes, his serene temperamenthe was a priceless man altogether. Soul as firm as the muscles of his body. He was the only man on board (except me, but I had to preserve my liberty of movement) who had a sufficiency of muscular strength to trust to. For a moment I thought I had better ask him to take the wheel. But the dreadful knowledge of the enemy he had to carry about him made me hesitate. In my ignorance of physiology it occurred to me that he might die suddenly, from excitement, at a critical moment. While this gruesome fear restrained the ready words on the tip of my tongue, Ransome stepped back two paces and vanished from my sight. At once an uneasiness possessed me, as if some support had been withdrawn. I moved forward, too, outside the circle of light, into the darkness that stood in front of me like a wall. In one stride I penetrated it. Such must have been the darkness before creation. It had closed behind me. I knew I was invisible to the man at the helm. Neither could I see anything. He was alone, I was alone, every man was alone where he stood. And every form was gone, too, spar, sail, fittings, rails; everything was blotted out in the dreadful smoothness of that absolute night. A flash of lightning would have been a reliefI mean physically. I would have prayed for it if it hadnt been for my shrinking apprehension of the thunder. In the tension of silence I was suffering from it seemed to me that the first crash must turn me into dust. And thunder was, most likely, what would happen next. Stiff all over and hardly breathing, I waited with a horribly strained expectation. Nothing happened. It was maddening, but a dull, growing ache in the lower part of my face made me aware that I had been grinding my teeth madly enough, for God knows how long. |
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