And as I departed, he went on cursing and abusing my faithful friend and servant with epithets I will not defile this paper with repeating. I went to her as soon as I had put away my book, and told her how our project was defeated. She was as much distressed and horrified as I was--and more so than I was that night, for I was partly stunned by the blow, and partly excited and supported against it by the bitterness of my wrath. But in the morning, when I woke without that cheering hope that had been my secret comfort and support so long, and all this day, when I have wandered about restless and objectless, shunning my husband, shrinking even from my child--knowing that I am unfit to be his teacher or companion, hoping nothing for his future life, and fervently wishing he had never been born--I felt the full extent of my calamity-- and I feel it now. I know that day after day such feelings will return upon me: I am a slave, a prisoner-- but that is nothing; if it were myself alone, I would not complain, but I am forbidden to rescue my son from ruin, and what was once my only consolation, is become the crowning source of my despair.

Have I no faith in God? I try to look to Him and raise my heart to Heaven, but it will cleave to the dust:' I can only say--`He hath hedged me about, that I cannot get out: He hath made my chain heavy. He hath filled me with bitterness, He hath made me drunken with wormwood:'--I forget to add--`But though He cause grief, yet will He have compassion according to the multitude of His mercies. For He doth not afflict willingly nor grieve the children of men." I ought to think of this; and if there be nothing but sorrow for me in this world, what is the longest life of misery to a whole eternity of peace? And for my little Arthur--has he no friend but me? Who was it said, `It is not the will of your Father which is in Heaven that one of these little ones should perish?"

  By PanEris using Melati.

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