liar and sloven like that one denying it up to my face and singing about the place in the W C too because
she knew she was too well off yes because he couldnt possibly do without it that long so he must do
it somewhere and the last time he came on my bottom when was it the night Boylan gave my hand a
great squeeze going along by the Tolka in my hand there steals another I just pressed the back of his
like that with my thumb to squeeze back singing the young May Moon shes beaming love because he
has an idea about him and me hes not such a fool he said Im dining out and going to the Gaiety though
Im not going to give him the satisfaction in any case God knows hes change in a way not to be always
and ever wearing the same old hat unless] paid some nicelooking boy to do it since I cant do it myself a
young boy would like me Id confuse him a little alone with him if we were Id let him see my garters the
new ones and make him turn red looking at him seduce him I know what boys feel with that down on
their cheek doing that frigging drawing out the thing by the hour question and answer would you do this
that and the other with the coalman yes with a bishop yes I would because I told him about some Dean
or Bishop was sitting beside me in the jews Temples gardens when I was knitting that woollen thing a
stranger to Dublin what place was it and so on about the monuments and he tired me out with statues
encouraging him making him worse than he is who is in your mind now tell me who are you thinking of
who is it tell me his name who tell me who the German Emperor is it yes imagine Im him think of him
can you feel him trying to make a whore of me what he never will he ought to give it up now at this age
of his life simply ruination for any woman and no satisfaction in it pretending to like it till ( he comes and
then finish it off myself anyway and it makes your lips pale anyhow its done now once and for all with all
the talk of the world about it people make its only the first time after that its just the ordinary do it and
think no more about it why cant you kiss a man without going and marrying him first you sometimes
love to wildly when you feel that way so nice all over you you cant help yourself I wish some man or
other would take me sometime when hes there and kiss me in his arms theres nothing like a kiss long
and hot down to your soul almost paralyses you then I hate that confession when I used to go to Father
Corrigan he touched me father and what harm if he did where and I said on the canal bank like a fool
but whereabouts on your person my child on the leg behind high up was it yes rather high up was it
where you sit down yes O Lord couldnt he say bottom right out and have done with it what has that got
to do with it and did you whatever way he put it I forget no father and I always think of the real father
what did he want to know for when I already confessed it to God he had a nice fat hand the palm moist
always I wouldnt mind feeling it neither would he Id say by the bullneck in his horsecollar I wonder did
he know me in the box I could see his face he couldnt see mine of course hed never turn or let on still
his eyes were red when his father died theyre lost for a woman of course must be terrible when a man
cries let alone them Id like to be embraced by one in his vestments and the smell of incense off him like
the pope besides theres no danger with a priest if youre married hes too careful about himself then give
something to H H the pope for a penance I wonder was he satisfied with me one thing I didnt like his
slapping me behind going away so familiarly in the hall though I laughed Im not a horse or an ass am I
I suppose he was thinking of his father I wonder is he awake thinking of me or dreaming am I in it who
gave him that flower he said he bought he smelt of some kind of drink not whisky or stout or perhaps
the sweety kind of paste they stick their bills up with some liquor Id like to sip those richlooking green
and yellow expensive drinks those stagedoor johnnies drink with the opera hats I tasted one with my
finger dipped out of that American that had the squirrel talking stamps with father he had all he could do
to keep himself from falling asleep after the last time we took the port and potted meat it had a fine salty
taste yes because I felt lovely and tired myself and fell asleep as sound as a top the moment I popped
straight into bed till that thunder woke me up as if the world was coming to an end God be merciful to
us I thought the heavens were coming down about us to punish when I blessed myself and said a Hail
Mary like those awful thunderbolts in Gibraltar and they come and tell you theres no God what could
you do if it was running and rushing about nothing only make an act of contrition the candle I lit that
evening in Whitefriars street chapel for the month of May see it brought its luck though hed scoff if he
heard because he never goes to church mass or meeting he says your soul you have no soul inside
only grey matter because he doesnt know what it is to have one yes when I lit the lamp yes because
he must have come 3 or 4 times with that tremendous big red brute of a thing he has I thought the vein
or whatever the dickens they call it was going to burst though his nose is not so big after I took off all
my things with the blinds down after my hours dressing and perfuming and combing it like iron or some
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