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Isabel turned pale: was he too on that tiresome list? She had a sudden wish to strike him off. Ah then, youre not disinterested! I love you, but I love without hope, said Ralph quickly, forcing a smile and feeling that in that last declaration he had expressed more than he intended. Isabel moved away and stood looking into the sunny stillness of the garden; but after a little she turned back to him. Im afraid your talk then is the wildness of despair! I dont understand itbut it doesnt matter. Im not arguing with you; its impossible I should; Ive only tried to listen to you. Im much obliged to you for attempting to explain, she said gently, as if the anger with which she had just sprung up had already subsided. Its very good of you to try to warn me, if youre really alarmed; but I wont promise to think of what youve said: I shall forget it as soon as possible. Try and forget it yourself; youve done your duty, and no man can do more. I cant explain to you what I feel, what I believe, and I wouldnt if I could. She paused a moment and then went on with an inconsequence that Ralph observed even in the midst of his eagerness to discover some symptom of concession. I cant enter into your idea of Mr Osmond; I cant do it justice, because I see him in quite another way. Hes not importantno, hes not important; hes a man to whom importance is supremely indifferent. If thats what you mean when you call him small, then hes as small as you please. I call that largeits the largest thing I know. I wont pretend to argue with you about a person Im going to marry, Isabel repeated. Im not in the least concerned to defend Mr Osmond; hes not so weak as to need my defence. I should think it would seem strange even to yourself that I should talk of him so quietly and coldly, as if he were any one else. I wouldnt talk of him at all to any one but you; and you, after what youve saidI may just answer you once for all. Pray, would you wish me to make a mercenary marriagewhat they call a marriage of ambition? Ive only one ambitionto be free to follow out a good feeling. I had others once, but theyve passed away. Do you complain of Mr Osmond because hes not rich? Thats just what I like him for. Ive fortunately money enough; Ive never felt so thankful for it as to-day. There have been moments when I should like to go and kneel down by your fathers grave: he did perhaps a better thing than he knew when he put it into my power to marry a poor mana man who has borne his poverty with such dignity, with such indifference. Mr Osmond has never scrambled nor struggledhe has cared for no worldly prize. If thats to be narrow, if thats to be selfish, then its very well. Im not frightened by such words, Im not even displeased; Im only sorry that you should make a mistake. Others might have done so, but Im surprised that you should. You might know a gentleman when you see oneyou might know a fine mind. Mr Osmond makes no mistakes! He knows everything, he understands everything, he has the kindest, gentlest, highest spirit. Youve got hold of some false idea. Its a pity, but I cant help it; it regards you more than me. Isabel paused a moment, looking at her cousin with an eye illumined by a sentiment which contradicted the careful calmness of her mannera mingled sentiment, to which the angry pain excited by his words and the wounded pride of having needed to justify the choice of which she felt only the nobleness and purity, equally contributed. Though she paused Ralph said nothing; he saw she had more to say. She was grand, but she was highly solicitous; she was indifferent, but she was all in a passion. What sort of a person should you have liked me to marry? she asked suddenly. You talk about ones soaring and sailing, but if one marries at all one touches the earth. One has human feelings and needs, one has a heart in ones bosom, and one must marry a particular individual. You mother has never forgiven me for not having come to a better understanding with Lord Warburton, and shes horrified at my contenting myself with a person who has none of his great advantagesno property, no title, no honours, no houses, nor lands, nor position, nor reputation, nor brilliant belongings of any sort. Its the total absence of all these things that pleases me. Mr Osmonds simply a very lonely, a very cultivated and a very honest manhes not a prodigious proprietor. Ralph had listened with great attention, as if everything she said merited deep consideration; but in truth he was only half thinking of the things she said, he was for the rest simply accommodating himself to the weight of his total impressionthe impression of her ardent good faith. She was wrong, but she believed; she was deluded, but she was dismally consistent. It was wonderfully characteristic of her that, having invented a fine theory about Gilbert Osmond, she loved him not for what he really possessed, but for his very poverties dressed out as honours. Ralph remembered what he had said to his father |
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