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They made you do it! she said quickly; and she added, raising her head and looking in my eyes: It might have made no difference if Id known it. It was always you, never the King! I meant to tell you, said I. I was going to on the night of the ball in Strelsau, when Sapt interrupted me. After that, I couldntI couldnt risk losing you beforebeforeI must! My darling, for you I nearly left the King to die! I know, I know! What are we to do now, Rudolf? I put my arm round her and held her up while I said: I am going away tonight. Ah, no, no! she cried. Not tonight! I must go tonight, before more people have seen me. And how would you have me stay, sweetheart, except? If I could come with you! she whispered very low. My God! said I roughly, dont talk about that! and I thrust her a little back from me. Why not? I love you. You are as good a gentleman as the King! Then I was false to all that I should have held by. For I caught her in my arms and prayed her, in words that I will not write, to come with me, daring all Ruritania to take her from me. And for a while she listened, with wondering, dazzled eyes. But as her eyes looked on me, I grew ashamed, and my voice died away in broken murmurs and stammerings, and at last I was silent. She drew herself away from me and stood against the wall, while I sat on the edge of the sofa, trembling in every limb, knowing what I had doneloathing it, obstinate not to undo it. So we rested a long time. I am mad! I said sullenly. I love your madness, dear, she answered. Her face was away from me, but I caught the sparkle of a tear on her cheek. I clutched the sofa with my hand and held myself there. Is love the only thing? she asked, in low, sweet tones that seemed to bring a calm even to my wrung heart. If love were the only thing, I would follow youin rags, if need beto the worlds end; for you hold my heart in the hollow of your hand! But is love the only thing? I made no answer. It gives me shame now to think that I would not help her. She came near me and laid her hand on my shoulder. I put my hand up and held hers. I know people write and talk as if it were. Perhaps, for some, Fate lets it be. Ah, if I were one of them! But if love had been the only thing, you would have let the King die in his cell. I kissed her hand. Honour binds a woman too, Rudolf. My honour lies in being true to my country and my House. I dont know why God has let me love you; but I know that I must stay. Still I said nothing; and she, pausing a while, then went on: |
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