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assure you he understood, too, that I gave him that money to test him, to see whether he was so lost to all sense of honour as to take it from me. I looked into his eyes and he looked into mine, and he understood it all and he took ithe carried off my money! Thats true, Katya, Mitya roared suddenly, I looked into your eyes and I knew that you were dishonouring me, and yet I took your money. Despise me as a scoundrel, despise me, all of you! Ive deserved it! Prisoner, cried the President, another word and I will order you to be removed. That money was a torment to him, Katya went on with impulsive haste. He wanted to repay it me. He wanted to, thats true; but he needed money for that creature, too. So he murdered his father, but he didnt repay it me, and went off with her to that village where he was arrested. There, again, he squandered the money he had stolen after the murder of his father. And a day before the murder he wrote me this letter. He was drunk when he wrote it. I saw it at once, at the time. He wrote it from spite, and feeling certain, positively certain, that I should never show it to any one, even if he did kill him, or else he wouldnt have written it. For he knew I shouldnt want to revenge myself and ruin him! But read it, read it attentivelymore attentively, pleaseand you will see that he had described it all in his letter, all beforehand, how he would kill his father and where his money was kept. Look, please, dont overlook that, theres one phrase there, I shall kill him as soon as Ivan has gone away. So he thought it all out beforehand how he would kill him, Katerina Ivanovna pointed out to the court with venomous and malignant triumph. Oh! it was clear she had studied every line of that letter and detected every meaning underlining it. If he hadnt been drunk, he wouldnt have written to me; but, look, everything is written there beforehand, just as he committed the murder after. A complete programme of it! she exclaimed frantically. She was reckless now of all consequences to herself, though, no doubt, she had foreseen them even a month ago, for even then, perhaps, shaking with anger, she had pondered whether to show it at the trial or not. Now she had taken the fatal plunge. I remember that the letter was read aloud by the clerk, directly afterwards, I believe. It made an over-whelming impression. They asked Mitya whether he admitted having written the letter. Its mine, mine! cried Mitya. I shouldnt have written it, if I hadnt been drunk! Weve hated each other for many things, Katya, but I swear, I swear I loved you even while I hated you, and you didnt love me! He sank back on his seat, wringing his hands in despair. The prosecutor and counsel for the defence began cross-examining her, chiefly to ascertain what had induced her to conceal such a document and to give her evidence in quite a different tone and spirit just before. Yes, yes. I was telling lies just now. I was lying against my honour and my conscience, but I wanted to save him, for he has hated and despised me so! Katya cried madly. Oh, he has despised me horribly, he has always despised me, and do you know, he has despised me from the very moment that I bowed down to him for that money. I saw that. I felt it at once at the time, but for a long time I wouldnt believe it. How often I have read it in his eyes you came of yourself, though. Oh, he didnt understand, he had no idea why I ran to him, he can suspect nothing but baseness, he judged me by himself, he thought every one was like himself! Katya hissed furiously, in a perfect frenzy. And he only wanted to marry me, because Id inherited a fortune, because of that, because of that! I always suspected it was because of that! Oh, he is a brute! He was always convinced that I should be trembling with shame all my life before him, because I went to him then, and that he had a right to despise me for ever for it, and so to be superior to methats why he wanted to marry me! Thats so, thats all so! I tried to conquer him by my lovea love that knew no bounds, I even tried to forgive his faithlessness; but he understood nothing, nothing! How could he understand indeed? He is a monster! I only received that letter the next evening: it was brought me from the tavernand only that morning, only that morning I wanted to forgive him everything, everythingeven his treachery! The President and the prosecutor, of course, tried to calm her. I cant help thinking that they felt ashamed of taking advantage of her hysteria and of listening to such avowals. I remember hearing them say to |
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