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I only know one thing, Alyosha went on, still almost in a whisper, it wasnt you killed father. Not you! What do you mean by not you? Ivan was thunderstruck. It was not you killed father, not you! Alyosha repeated firmly. The silence lasted for half a minute. I know I didnt. Are you raving? said Ivan, with a pale, distorted smile. His eyes were riveted on Alyosha. They were standing again under a lamp-post. No, Ivan. Youve told yourself several times that you are the murderer. When did I say so? I was in Moscow. When have I said so? Ivan faltered helplessly. Youve said so to yourself many times, when youve been alone during these two dreadful months, Alyosha went on softly and distinctly as before. Yet he was speaking now, as it were, not of himself, not of his own will, but obeying some irresistible command. You have accused yourself and have confessed to yourself that you are the murderer and no one else. But you didnt do it: you are mistaken: you are not the murderer. Do you hear? It was not you! God has sent me to tell you so. They were both silent. The silence lasted a whole long minute. They were both standing still, gazing into each others eyes. They were both pale. Suddenly Ivan began trembling all over, and clutched Alyoshas shoulder. Youve been in my room! he whispered hoarsely. Youve been there at night, when he came. Confess have you seen him, have you seen him? Whom do you meanMitya? Alyosha asked, bewildered. Not him, damn the monster! Ivan shouted, in a frenzy. Do you know that he visits me? How did you find out? Speak! Who is he? I dont know whom you are talking about, Alyosha faltered, beginning to be alarmed. Yes, you do know or how could you ? Its impossible that you dont know. Suddenly he seemed to check himself. He stood still and seemed to reflect. A strange grin contorted his lips. Brother, Alyosha began again, in a shaking voice, I have said this to you, because youll believe my word, I know that. I tell you once and for all, its not you. You hear, once for all! God has put it into my heart to say this to you, even though it may make you hate me from this hour. But by now Ivan had apparently regained his self-control. Alexey Fyodorovitch, he said, with a cold smile, I cant endure prophets and epilepticsmessengers from God especiallyand you know that only too well. I break off all relations with you from this moment and probably for ever. I beg you to leave me at this turning. Its the way to your lodgings, too. Youd better be particularly careful not to come to me to-day! Do you hear? He turned and walked on with a firm step, not looking back. Brother, Alyosha called after him, if anything happens to you to-day, turn to me before any one! But Ivan made no reply. Alyosha stood under the lamp-post at the cross roads, till Ivan had vanished into the darkness. Then he turned and walked slowly homewards. Both Alyosha and Ivan were living in |
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