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and there will be no freedom, but then, in our great sorrow, we shall rise again to joy, without which man cannot live nor God exist, for God gives joy: its His privilegea grand one. Ah, man should be dissolved in prayer! What should I be underground there without God? Rakitins laughing! If they drive God from the earth, we shall shelter Him underground. One cannot exist in prison without God; its even more impossible than out of prison. And then we men underground will sing from the bowels of the earth a glorious hymn to God, with Whom is joy. Hail to God and His joy! I love Him! Mitya was almost gasping for breath as he uttered his wild speech. He turned pale, his lips quivered, and tears rolled down his cheeks. Yes, life is full, there is life even underground, he began again. You wouldnt believe, Alexey, how I want to live now, what a thirst for existence and consciousness has sprung up in me within these peeling walls. Rakitin doesnt understand that; all he cares about is building a house and letting flats. But Ive been longing for you. And what is suffering? I am not afraid of it, even if it were beyond reckoning. I am not afraid of it now. I was afraid of it before. Do you know, perhaps I wont answer at the trial at all. And I seem to have such strength in me now, that I think I could stand anything, any suffering, only to be able to say and to repeat to myself every moment, I exist. In thousands of agoniesI exist. Im tormented on the rackbut I exist! Though I sit alone in a pillarI exist! I see the sun, and if I dont see the sun, I know its there. And theres a whole life in that, in knowing that the sun is there. Alyosha, my angel, all these philosophies are the death of me. Damn them! Brother Ivan. What of brother Ivan? interrupted Alyosha, but Mitya did not hear. You see, I never had any of these doubts before, but it was all hidden away in me. It was perhaps just because ideas I did not understand were surging up in me, that I used to drink and fight and rage. It was to stifle them in myself, to still them, to smother them. Ivan is not Rakitin, there is an idea in him. Ivan is a sphinx and is silent; he is always silent. Its God thats worrying me. Thats the only thing thats worrying me. What if He doesnt exist? What if Rakitins rightthat its an idea made up by men? Then, if He doesnt exist, man is the chief of the earth, of the universe. Magnificent! Only how is he going to be good without God? Thats the question. I always come back to that. For whom is man going to love then? To whom will he be thankful? To whom will he sing the hymn? Rakitin laughs. Rakitin says that one can love humanity without God. Well, only a snivelling idiot can maintain that. I cant understand it. Lifes easy for Rakitin. Youd better think about the extension of civic rights, or even of keeping down the price of meat. You will show your love for humanity more simply and directly by that, than by philosophy. I answered him, Well, but you, without a God, are more likely to raise the price of meat, if it suits you, and make a rouble on every kopeck. He lost his temper. But after all, what is goodness? Answer me that, Alexey Goodness is one thing with me and another with a Chinaman, so its a relative thing. Or isnt it? Is it not relative? A treacherous question! You wont laugh if I tell you its kept me awake two nights. I only wonder now how people can live and think nothing about it. Vanity! Ivan has no God. He has an idea. Its beyond me. But he is silent. I believe he is a freemason. I asked him, but he is silent. I wanted to drink from the springs of his soulhe was silent. But once he did drop a word. What did he say? Alyosha took it up quickly. I said to him, Then everything is lawful, if it is so? He frowned. Fyodor Pavlovitch, our papa, he said, was a pig, but his ideas were right enough. That was what he dropped. That was all he said. That was going one better than Rakitin. Yes, Alyosha assented bitterly. When was he with you? Of that later, now I must speak of something else. I have said nothing about Ivan to you before. I put it off to the last. When my business here is over and the verdict has been given, then Ill tell you something. Ill tell you everything. Weve something tremendous on hand. And you shall be my judge in it. But dont begin about that now; be silent. You talk of to-morrow, of the trial; but, would you believe it, I know nothing about it. |
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