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You dont remember? Then you didnt quite know what you were doing? Not at all. I remember everythingevery detail. I jumped down to look at him, and wiped his face with my handkerchief. We have seen your handkerchief. Did you hope to restore him to consciousness? I dont know whether I hoped it. I simply wanted to make sure whether he was alive or not. Ah! You wanted to be sure? Well, what then? Im not a doctor. I couldnt decide. I ran away thinking Id killed him. And now hes recovered. Excellent, commented the prosecutor. Thank you. Thats all I wanted. Kindly proceed. Alas! it never entered Mityas head to tell them, though he remembered it, that he had jumped back from pity, and standing over the prostrate figure had even uttered some words of regret: Youve come to grief, old mantheres no help for it. Well, there you must lie. The prosecutor could only draw one conclusion: that the man had jumped back At such a moment and in such excitement simply with the object of ascertaining whether the only witness of his crime were dead; that he must therefore have been a man of great strength, coolness, decision and foresight even at such a moment, and so on. The prosecutor was satisfied: Ive provoked the nervous fellow by trifles and he has said more than he meant to. With painful effort Mitya went on. But this time he was pulled up immediately by Nikolay Parfenovitch. How came you to run to the servant, Fedosya Markovna, with your hands so covered with blood, and, as it appears, your face too? Why, I didnt notice the blood at all at the time, answered Mitya. Thats quite likely. It does happen sometimes. The prosecutor exchanged glances with Nikolay Parfenovitch. I simply didnt notice. Youre quite right there, prosecutor, Mitya assented suddenly. Next came the account of Mityas sudden determination to step aside and make way for their happiness. But he could not make up his mind to open his heart to them as before, and tell them about the queen of his soul. He disliked speaking of her before these chilly persons who were fastening on him like bugs. And so in response to their reiterated questions he answered briefly and abruptly: Well, I made up my mind to kill myself. What had I left to live for? That question stared me in the face. Her first rightful lover had come back, the man who wronged her but whod hurried back to offer his love, after five years and atone for the wrong with marriage So I knew it was all over for me. And behind me disgrace, and that bloodGrigorys. What had I to live for? So I went to redeem the pistols I had pledged, to load them and put a bullet in my brain to-morrow. And a grand feast the night before? Yes, a grand feast the night before. Damn it all, gentlemen! Do make haste and finish it. I meant to shoot myself not far from here, beyond the village, and Id planned to do it at five oclock in the morning. And I had a note in my pocket already. I wrote it at Perhotins when I loaded my pistols. Heres the letter. Read it! Its not for you I tell it, he added contemptuously. He took it from his waistcoat pocket and flung it on the table. The lawyers read it with curiosity, and, as is usual, added it to the papers connected with the case. |
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