Listen! I took the case of children only to make my case clearer. Of the other tears of humanity with
which the earth is soaked from its crust to its centre, I will say nothing. I have narrowed my subject on
purpose. I am a bug, and I recognise in all humility that I cannot understand why the world is arranged
as it is. Men are themselves to blame, I suppose; they were given paradise, they wanted freedom, and
stole fire from heaven, though they knew they would become unhappy, so there is no need to pity them.
With my pitiful, earthly, Euclidian understanding, all I know is that there is suffering and that there are
none guilty; that cause follows effect, simply and directly; that everything flows and finds its levelbut
thats only Euclidian nonsense, I know that, and I cant consent to live by it! What comfort is it to me
that there are none guilty and that cause follows effect simply and directly, and that I know itI must
have justice, or I will destroy myself. And not justice in some remote infinite time and space, but here
on earth, and that I could see myself. I have believed in it. I want to see it, and if I am dead by then, let
me rise again, for if it all happens without me, it will be too unfair. Surely I havent suffered, simply that
I, my crimes and my sufferings, may manure the soil of the future harmony for somebody else. I want to
see with my own eyes the hind lie down with the lion and the victim rise up and embrace his murderer. I
want to be there when every one suddenly understands what it has all been for. All the religions of the
world are built on this longing, and I am a believer. But then there are the children, and what am I to do
about them? Thats a question I cant answer. For the hundredth time I repeat, there are numbers of
questions, but Ive only taken the children, because in their case what I mean is so unanswerably clear.
Listen! If all must suffer to pay for the eternal harmony, what have children to do with it, tell me, please?
Its beyond all comprehension why they should suffer, and why they should pay for the harmony. Why
should they, too, furnish material to enrich the soil for the harmony of the future? I understand solidarity
in sin among men. I understand solidarity in retribution, too; but there can be no such solidarity with
children. And if it is really true that they must share responsibility for all their fathers crimes, such a
truth is not of this world and is beyond my comprehension. Some jester will say, perhaps, that the child
would have grown up and have sinned, but you see he didnt grow up, he was torn to pieces by the
dogs, at eight years old. Oh, Alyosha, I am not blaspheming! I understand, of course, what an upheaval
of the universe it will be, when everything in heaven and earth blends in one hymn of praise and everything
that lives and has lived cries aloud: Thou art just, O Lord, for Thy ways are revealed. When the mother
embraces the fiend who threw her child to the dogs, and all three cry aloud with tears, Thou are just.
O Lord! then, of course, the crown of knowledge will be reached and all will be made clear. But what
pulls me up here is that I cant accept that harmony. And while I am on earth, I make haste to take my
own measures. You see, Alyosha, perhaps it really may happen that if I live to that moment, or rise
again to see it, I, too, perhaps, may cry aloud with the rest, looking at the mother embracing the childs
torturer, Thou art just, O Lord! but I dont want to cry aloud then. While there is still time. I hasten to
protect myself and so I renounce the higher harmony altogether. Its not worth the tears of that one
tortured child who beat itself on the breast with its little fist and prayed in its stinking outhouse, with
its unexpiated tears to dear, kind God! Its not worth it, because those tears are unatoned for. They
must be atoned for, or there can be no harmony. But how? How are you going to atone for them? Is
it possible? By their being avenged? But what do I care for avenging them? What do I care for a hell
for oppressors? What good can hell do, since those children have already been tortured? And what
becomes of harmony, if there is hell? I want to forgive. I want to embrace. I dont want more suffering.
And if the sufferings of children go to swell the sum of sufferings which was necessary to pay for truth,
then I protest that the truth is not worth such a price. I dont want the mother to embrace the oppressor
who threw her son to the dogs! She dare not forgive him! Let her forgive him for herself, if she will,
let her forgive the torturer for the immeasurable suffering of her mothers heart. But the sufferings of
her tortured child she has no right to forgive; she dare not forgive the torturer, even if the child were to
forgive him! And if that is so, if they dare not forgive, what becomes of harmony? Is there in the whole
world a being who would have the right to forgive and could forgive? I dont want harmony. From love
for humanity I dont want it. I would rather be left with the unavenged suffering. I would rather remain
with my unavenged suffering and unsatisfied indignation, even if I were wrong. Besides, too high a
price is asked for harmony; its beyond our means to pay so much to enter on it. And so I hasten to give
back my entrance ticket, and if I am an honest man I am bound to give it back as soon as possible. And
that I am doing. Its not God that I dont accept, Alyosha, only I most respectfully return Him the ticket.