And cant I come with you?
No, but kneel down and pray to God for me. Your prayer perhaps will reach Him.
Let me bless you and sign you with the cross. Thats right, thats right. Oh, God, what are we doing?
Yes, he was glad, he was very glad that there was no one there, that he was alone with his mother. For the first time after all those awful months his heart was softened. He fell down before her, he kissed her feet and both wept, embracing. And she was not surprised and did not question him this time. For some days she had realised that something awful was happening to her son and that now some terrible minute had come for him.
Rodya, my darling, my first born, she said sobbing, now you are just as when you were little. You would run like this to me and hug me and kiss me. When your father was living and we were poor, you comforted us simply by being with us and when I buried your father, how often we wept together at his grave and embraced, as now. And if Ive been crying lately, its that my mothers heart had a foreboding of trouble. The first time I saw you, that evening, you remember, as soon as we arrived here, I guessed simply from your eyes. My heart sank at once, and to-day when I opened the door and looked at you, I thought the fatal hour had come. Rodya, Rodya, you are not going away to-day?
Youll come again?
Yes Ill come.
Rodya, dont be angry, I dont dare to question you. I know I mustnt. Only say two words to meis it far where you are going?
What is awaiting you there? Some post or career for you?
What God sends only pray for me. Raskolnikov went to the door, but she clutched him and gazed despairingly into his eyes. Her face worked with terror.
Enough, mother, said Raskolnikov, deeply regretting that he had come.
Not for ever, its not yet for ever? Youll come, youll come to-morrow?
I will, I will, good-bye. He tore himself away at last.
It was a warm, fresh, bright evening; it had cleared up in the morning. Raskolnikov went to his lodgings; he made haste. He wanted to finish all before sunset. He did not want to meet anyone till then. Going up the stairs he noticed that Nastasya rushed from the samovar to watch him intently. Can anyone have come to see me? he wondered. He had a disgusted vision of Porfiry. But opening his door he saw Dounia. She was sitting alone, plunged in deep thought, and looked as though she had been waiting a long time. He stopped short in the doorway. She rose from the sofa in dismay and stood up facing him. Her eyes, fixed upon him, betrayed horror and infinite grief. And from those eyes alone he saw at once that she knew.
Am I to come in or go away? he asked uncertainly.
Ive been all day with Sofya Semyonovna. We were both waiting for you. We thought that you would be sure to come there.
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