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Raskolnikov smiled malignantly. Thats not simply ridiculous, its positively shameless. Why, even if I were guilty, which I dont admit, what reason should I have to confess, when you tell me yourself that I shall be in greater safety in prison? Ah, Rodion Romanovitch, dont put too much faith in words, perhaps prison will not be altogether a restful place. Thats only theory and my theory, and what authority am I for you? Perhaps, too, even now I am hiding something from you? I cant lay bare everything, he-he! And how can you ask what advantage? Dont you know how it would lessen your sentence? You would be confessing at a moment when another man has taken the crime on himself and so has muddled the whole case. Consider that! I swear before God that I will so arrange that your confession shall come as a complete surprise. We will make a clean sweep of all these psychological points, of a suspicion against you, so that your crime will appear to have been something like an aberration, for in truth it was an aberration. I am an honest man, Rodion Romanovitch, and will keep my word. Raskolnikov maintained a mournful silence and let his head sink dejectedly. He pondered a long while and at last smiled again, but his smile was sad and gentle. No! he said, apparently abandoning all attempt to keep up appearances with Porfiry, its not worth it, I dont care about lessening the sentence! Thats just what I was afraid of! Porfiry cried warmly and, as it seemed, involuntarily. Thats just what I feared, that you wouldnt care about the mitigation of sentence. Raskolnikov looked sadly and expressively at him. Ah, dont disdain life! Porfiry went on. You have a great deal of it still before you. How can you say you dont want a mitigation of sentence? You are an impatient fellow! A great deal of what lies before me? Of life. What sort of prophet are you, do you know much about it? Seek and ye shall find. This may be Gods means for bringing you to Him. And its not for ever, the bondage. The time will be shortened, laughed Raskolnikov. Why, is it the bourgeois disgrace you are afraid of? It may be that you are afraid of it without knowing it, because you are young! But anyway you shouldnt be afraid of giving yourself up and confessing. Ach, hang it! Raskolnikov whispered with loathing and contempt, as though he did not want to speak aloud. He got up again as though he meant to go away, but sat down again in evident despair. Hang it, if you like! Youve lost faith and you think that I am grossly flattering you; but how long has your life been? How much do you understand? You made up a theory and then were ashamed that it broke down and turned out to be not at all original! It turned out something base, thats true, but you are not hopelessly base. By no means so base! At least you didnt deceive yourself for long, you went straight to the furthest point at one bound. How do I regard you? I regard you as one of those men who would stand and smile at their torturer while he cuts their entrails out, if only they have found faith or God. Find it and you will live. You have long needed a change of air. Suffering, too, is a good thing. Suffer! Maybe Nikolay is right in wanting to suffer. I know you dont believe in itbut dont be over- wise; fling yourself straight into life, without deliberation; dont be afraidthe flood will bear you to the bank and set you safe on your feet again. What bank? How can I tell? I only believe that you have long life before you. I know that you take all my words now for a set speech prepared beforehand, but maybe you will remember them after. They may be of use some time. Thats why I speak. Its as well that you |
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