Raskolnikov had been a vigorous and active champion of Sonia against Luzhin, although he had such a load of horror and anguish in his own heart. But having gone through so much in the morning, he found a sort of relief in a change of sensations, apart from the strong personal feeling which impelled him to defend Sonia. He was agitated too, especially at some moments, by the thought of his approaching interview with Sonia: he had to tell her who had killed Lizaveta. He knew the terrible suffering it would be to him and, as it were, brushed away the thought of it. So when he cried as he left Katerina Ivanovnas, Well, Sofya Semyonovna, we shall see what youll say now! he was still superficially excited, still vigorous and defiant from his triumph over Luzhin. But, strange to say, by the time he reached Sonias lodging, he felt a sudden impotence and fear. He stood still in hesitation at the door, asking himself the strange question: Must he tell her who killed Lizaveta? It was a strange question because he felt at the very time not only that he could not help telling her, but also that he could not put off the telling. He did not yet know why it must be so, he only felt it, and the agonising sense of his impotence before the inevitable almost crushed him. To cut short his hesitation and suffering, he quickly opened the door and looked at Sonia from the doorway. She was sitting with her elbows on the table and her face in her hands, but seeing Raskolnikov she got up at once and came to meet him as though she were expecting him.
What would have become of me but for you? she said quickly, meeting him in the middle of the room.
Evidently she was in haste to say this to him. It was what she had been waiting for.
Raskolnikov went to the table and sat down on the chair from which she had only just risen. She stood facing him, two steps away, just as she had done the day before.
Well, Sonia? he said, and felt that his voice was trembling, it was all due to your social position and the habits associated with it. Did you understand that just now?
Her face showed her distress.
Only dont talk to me as you did yesterday, she interrupted him. Please dont begin it. There is misery enough without that.
She made haste to smile, afraid that he might not like the reproach.
I was silly to come away from there. What is happening there now? I wanted to go back directly, but I kept thinking that you would come.
He told her that Amalia Ivanovna was turning them out of their lodging and that Katerina Ivanovna had run off somewhere to seek justice.
My God! cried Sonia, lets go at once.
And she snatched up her cape.
Its everlastingly the same thing! said Raskolnikov, irritably. Youve no thought except for them! Stay a little with me.
But Katerina Ivanovna?
You wont lose Katerina Ivanovna, you may be sure, shell come to you herself since she has run out, he added peevishly. If she doesnt find you here, youll be blamed for it.
Sonia sat down in painful suspense. Raskolnikov was silent, gazing at the floor and deliberating.
This time Luzhin did not want to prosecute you, he began, not looking at Sonia, but if he had wanted to, if it had suited his plans, he would have sent you to prison if it had not been for Lebeziatnikov and me. Ah?
|Copyright: All texts on Bibliomania are © Bibliomania.com Ltd, and may not be reproduced in any form without our written permission. See our FAQ for more details.|