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Then why have you fascinated her? I havent fascinated her; perhaps I was fascinated myself in my folly. But she wont care a straw whether its you or I, so long as somebody sits beside her, sighing. I cant explain the position, brother look here, you are good at mathematics, and working at it now begin teaching her the integral calculus; upon my soul, Im not joking, Im in earnest, itll be just the same to her. She will gaze at you and sigh for a whole year together. I talked to her once for two days at a time about the Prussian House of Lords (for one must talk of something)she just sighed and perspired! And you mustnt talk of loveshes bashful to hystericsbut just let her see you cant tear yourself awaythats enough. Its fearfully comfortable; youre quite at home, you can read, sit, lie about, write. You may even venture on a kiss, if youre careful. But what do I want with her? Ach, I cant make you understand! You see, you are made for each other! I have often been reminded of you! Youll come to it in the end! So does it matter whether its sooner or later? Theres the feather- bed element here, brotherach! and not only that! Theres an attraction herehere you have the end of the world, an anchorage, a quiet haven, the navel of the earth, the three fishes that are the foundation of the world, the essence of pancakes, of savoury fish-pies, of the evening samovar, of soft sighs and warm shawls, and hot stoves to sleep onas snug as though you were dead, and yet youre alivethe advantages of both at once! Well, hang it, brother, what stuff Im talking, its bedtime! Listen. I sometimes wake up at night; so Ill go in and look at him. But theres no need, its all right. Dont you worry yourself, yet if you like, you might just look in once, too. But if you notice anythingdelirium or feverwake me at once. But there cant be. |
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