`A bachelor is a miserable wretch, sir,' said Mr Lillyvick.

`Is he?' asked Nicholas.

`He is,' rejoined the collector. `I have lived in the world for nigh sixty year, and I ought to know what it is.'

`You ought to know, certainly,' thought Nicholas; `but whether you do or not, is another question.'

`If a bachelor happens to have saved a little matter of money,' said Mr Lillyvick, `his sisters and brothers, and nephews and nieces, look to that money, and not to him; even if, by being a public character, he is the head of the family, or, as it may be, the main from which all the other little branches are turned on, they still wish him dead all the while, and get low-spirited every time they see him looking in good health, because they want to come into his little property. You see that?'

`Oh yes,' replied Nicholas: `it's very true, no doubt.'

`The great reason for not being married,' resumed Mr Lillyvick, `is the expense; that's what's kept me off, or else -- Lord!' said Mr Lillyvick, snapping his fingers, `I might have had fifty women.'

`Fine women?' asked Nicholas.

`Fine women, sir!' replied the collector; `ay! not so fine as Henrietta Petowker, for she is an uncommon specimen, but such women as don't fall into every man's way, I can tell you. Now suppose a man can get a fortune in a wife instead of with her -- eh?'

`Why, then, he's a lucky fellow,' replied Nicholas.

`That's what I say,' retorted the collector, patting him benignantly on the side of the head with his umbrella; `just what I say. Henrietta Petowker, the talented Henrietta Petowker has a fortune in herself, and I am going to--'

`To make her Mrs Lillyvick?' suggested Nicholas.

`No, sir, not to make her Mrs Lillyvick,' replied the collector. `Actresses, sir, always keep their maiden names -- that's the regular thing -- but I'm going to marry her; and the day after tomorrow, too.'

`I congratulate you, sir,' said Nicholas.

`Thank you, sir,' replied the collector, buttoning his waistcoat. `Ishall draw her salary, of course, and I hope after all that it's nearly as cheap to keep two as it is to keep one; that's a consolation.'

`Surely you don't want any consolation at such a moment?' observed Nicholas.

`No,' replied Mr Lillyvick, shaking his head nervously: `no -- of course not.'

`But how come you both here, if you're going to be married, Mr Lillyvick?' asked Nicholas.

`Why, that's what I came to explain to you,' replied the collector of water-rate. `The fact is, we have thought it best to keep it secret from the family.'

`Family!' said Nicholas. `What family?'

`The Kenwigses of course,' rejoined Mr Lillyvick. `If my niece and the children had known a word about it before I came away, they'd have gone into fits at my feet, and never have come out of 'em till I took an oath not to marry anybody -- or they'd have got out a commission of lunacy, or some dreadful thing,' said the collector, quite trembling as he spoke.