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Chapter 40 And so to make sure of both systems, Mrs. Wadman predetermined to light my uncle Toby neither at this end or that; but, like a prodigals candle, to light him, if possible, at both ends at once. Now, through all the lumber rooms of military furniture, including both of horse and foot, from the great arsenal of Venice to the Tower of London (exclusive), if Mrs. Wadman had been rummaging for seven years together, and with Bridget to help her, she could not have found any one blind or mantelet so fit for her purpose, as that which the expediency of my uncle Tobys affairs had fixd up ready to her hands. I believe I have not told youbut I dont knowpossibly I havebe it as it will, tis one of the number of those many things, which a man had better do over again, than dispute about itThat whatever town or fortress the corporal was at work upon, during the course of their campaign, my uncle Toby always took care, on the inside of his sentry-box, which was towards his left hand, to have a plan of the place, fastend up with two or three pins at the top, but loose at the bottom, for the conveniency of holding it up to the eye, &c. . .as occasions required; so that when an attack was resolved upon, Mrs. Wadman had nothing more to do, when she had got advanced to the door of the sentry-box, but to extend her right hand; and edging in her left foot at the same movement, to take hold of the map or plan, or upright, or whatever it was, and with out-stretched neck meeting it half way,to advance it towards her; on which my uncle Tobys passions were sure to catch firefor he would instantly take hold of the other corner of the map in his left hand, and with the end of his pipe in the other, begin an explanation. When the attack was advanced to this point;the world will naturally enter into the reasons of Mrs. Wadmans next stroke of generalshipwhich was, to take my uncle Tobys tobacco-pipe out of his hand as soon as she possibly could; which, under one pretence or other, but generally that of pointing more distinctly at some redoubt or breastwork in the map, she would effect before my uncle Toby (poor soul!) had well marchd above half a dozen toises with it. It obliged my uncle Toby to make use of his forefinger. The difference it made in the attack was this; That in going upon it, as in the first case, with the end of her fore-finger against the end of my uncle Tobys tobacco-pipe, she might have travelled with it, along the lines, from Dan to Beersheba, had my uncle Tobys lines reachd so far, without any effect: For as there was no arterial or vital heat in the end of the tobacco-pipe, it could excite no sentimentit could neither give fire by pulsationor receive it by sympathytwas nothing but smoke. Whereas, in following my uncle Tobys forefinger with hers, close thro all the little turns and indentings of his workspressing sometimes against the side of itthen treading upon its nailthen tripping it upthen touching it herethen there, and so onit set something at least in motion. This, tho slight skirmishing, and at a distance from the main body, yet drew on the rest; for here, the map usually falling with the back of it, close to the side of the sentry-box, my uncle Toby, in the simplicity of his soul, would lay his hand flat upon it, in order to go on with his explanation; and Mrs. Wadman, by a manuvre as quick as thought, would as certainly place hers close beside it; this at once opened a communication, large enough for any sentiment to pass or re-pass, which a person skilld in the elementary and practical part of love-making, has occasion for By bringing up her forefinger parallel (as before) to my uncle Tobysit unavoidably brought the thumb into actionand the forefinger and thumb being once engaged, as naturally brought in the whole hand. Thine, dear uncle Toby! was never now in ts right placeMrs. Wadman had it ever to take up, or, with the gentlest pushings, protrusions, and equivocal compressions, that a hand to be removed is capable of receivingto get it pressd a hair breadth of one side out of her way. Whilst this was doing, how could she forget to make him sensible, that it was her leg (and no ones else) at the bottom of the sentry-box, which slightly pressd against the calf of hisSo that my uncle Toby |
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