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Chapter 99 In the whole catalogue of those whiffling vexations which come puffing across a mans canvass, there is not one of a more teasing and tormenting nature, than this particular one which I am going to describeand for which (unless you travel with an avance-courier, which numbers do in order to prevent it)there is no help: and it is this. That be you in never so kindly a propensity to sleepthough you are passing perhaps through the finest countryupon the best roads, and in the easiest carriage for doing it in the worldnay, was you sure you could sleep fifty miles straight forwards, without once opening your eyesnay, what is more, was you as demonstratively satisfied as you can be of any truth in Euclid, that you should upon all accounts be full as well asleep as awakenay, perhaps betterYet the incessant returns of paying for the horses at every stage,with the necessity thereupon of putting your hand into your pocket, and counting out from thence three livres fifteen sous (sous by sous), puts an end to so much of the project, that you cannot execute above six miles of it (or supposing it is a post and a half, that is but nine)were it to save your soul from destruction. Ill be even with em, quoth I, for Ill put the precise sum into a piece of paper, and hold it ready in my hand all the way: Now I shall have nothing to do, said I (composing myself to rest), but to drop this gently into the post-boys hat, and not say a word.Then there wants two sous more to drinkor there is a twelve sous piece of Louis XIV. which will not passor a livre and some odd liards to be brought over from the last stage, which Monsieur had forgot; which altercations (as a man cannot dispute very well asleep) rouse him: still is sweet sleep retrievable; and still might the flesh weigh down the spirit, and recover itself of these blowsbut then, by heaven! you have paid but for a single postwhereas tis a post and a half; and this obliges you to pull out your book of post- roads, the print of which is so very small, it forces you to open your eyes, whether you will or no: Then Monsieur le Cure offers you a pinch of snuffor a poor soldier shews you his legor a shaveling his boxor the priestesse of the cistern will water your wheelsthey do not want itbut she swears by her priesthood (throwing it back) that they do:then you have all these points to argue, or consider over in your mind; in doing of which, the rational powers get so thoroughly awakenedyou may get em to sleep again as you can. It was entirely owing to one of these misfortunes, or I had passd clean by the stables of Chantilly But the postillion first affirming, and then persisting in it to my face, that there was no mark upon the two sous piece, I opend my eyes to be convinced and seeing the mark upon it as plain as my noseI leapd out of the chaise in a passion, and so saw every thing at Chantilly in spite. I tried it but for three posts and a half, but believe tis the best principle in the world to travel speedily upon; for as few objects look very inviting in that moodyou have little or nothing to stop you; by which means it was that I passed through St. Dennis, without turning my head so much as on one side towards the Abby Richness of their treasury! stuff and nonsense!bating their jewels, which are all false, I would not give three sous for any one thing in it, but Jaidass lanternnor for that either, only as it grows dark, it might be of use. |
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