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Chapter 60 See if he is not cutting it into slips, and giving them about him to light their pipes!Tis abominable, answered Didius; it should not go unnoticed, said doctor Kysarcius> he was of the Kysarcii of the Low Countries. Methinks, said Didius, half rising from his chair, in order to remove a bottle and a tall decanter, which stood in a direct line betwixt him and Yorickyou might have spared this sarcastic stroke, and have hit upon a more proper place, Mr. Yorickor at least upon a more proper occasion to have shewn your contempt of what we have been about: If the sermon is of no better worth than to light pipes withtwas certainly, Sir, not good enough to be preached before so learned a body; and if twas good enough to be preached before so learned a bodytwas certainly Sir, too good to light their pipes with afterwards. I have got him fast hung up, quoth Didius to himself, upon one of the two horns of my dilemmalet him get off as he can. I have undergone such unspeakable torments, in bringing forth this sermon, quoth Yorick, upon this occasionthat I declare, Didius, I would suffer martyrdomand if it was possible my horse with me, a thousand times over, before I would sit down and make such another: I was delivered of it at the wrong end of meit came from my head instead of my heartand it is for the pain it gave me, both in the writing and preaching of it, that I revenge myself of it, in this mannerTo preach, to shew the extent of our reading, or the subtleties of our witto parade in the eyes of the vulgar with the beggarly accounts of a little learning, tinseld over with a few words which glitter, but convey little light and less warmthis a dishonest use of the poor single half hour in a week which is put into our handsTis not preaching the gospelbut ourselvesFor my own part, continued Yorick, I had rather direct five words point-blank to the heart.- - As Yorick pronounced the word point-blank, my uncle Toby rose up to say something upon projectileswhen a single word and no more uttered from the opposite side of the table drew every ones ears towards ita word of all others in the dictionary the last in that place to be expecteda word I am ashamed to writeyet must be writtenmust be readillegaluncanonical guess ten thousand guesses, multiplied into themselvesracktorture your invention for ever, youre where you wasIn short, Ill tell it in the next chapter. |
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