|
||||||||
Chapter 27 It is a singular blessing, that nature has formd the mind of man with the same happy backwardness and renitency against conviction, which is observed in old dogsof not learning new tricks. What a shuttlecock of a fellow would the greatest philosopher that ever existed be whiskd into at once, did he read such books, and observe such facts, and think such thoughts, as would eternally be making him change sides! Now, my father, as I told you last year, detested all thisHe pickd up an opinion, Sir, as a man in a state of nature picks up an apple.It becomes his ownand if he is a man of spirit, he would lose his life rather than give it up. I am aware that Didius, the great civilian, will contest this point; and cry out against me, Whence comes this mans right to this apple? ex confesso, he will saythings were in a state of natureThe apple, is as much Franks apple as Johns. Pray, Mr. Shandy, what patent has he to shew for it? and how did it begin to be his? was it, when he set his heart upon it? or when he gathered it? or when he chewd it? or when he roasted it? or when he peeld, or when he brought it home? or when he digested?or when he?For tis plain, Sir, if the first picking up of the apple, made it not histhat no subsequent act could. Brother Didius, Tribonius will answer(now Tribonius the civilian and church lawyers beard being three inches and a half and three eighths longer than Didius his beardIm glad he takes up the cudgels for me, so I give myself no farther trouble about the answer.)Brother Didius, Tribonius will say, it is a decreed case, as you may find it in the fragments of Gregorius and Hermoginess codes, and in all the codes from Justinians down to the codes of Louis and Des EauxThat the sweat of a mans brows, and the exsudations of a mans brains, are as much a mans own property as the breeches upon his backside;which said exsudations, &c. being droppd upon the said apple by the labour of finding it, and picking it up; and being moreover indissolubly wasted, and as indissolubly annexd, by the picker up, to the thing pickd up, carried home, roasted, peeld, eaten, digested, and so on;tis evident that the gatherer of the apple, in so doing, has mixd up something which was his own, with the apple which was not his own, by which means he has acquired a property;or, in other words, the apple is Johns apple. By the same learned chain of reasoning my father stood up for all his opinions; he had spared no pains in picking them up, and the more they lay out of the common way, the better still was his title.No mortal claimed them; they had cost him moreover as much labour in cooking and digesting as in the case above, so that they might well and truly be said to be of his own goods and chattels.Accordingly he held fast by em, both by teeth and clawswould fly to whatever he could lay his hands onand, in a word, would intrench and fortify them round with as many circumvallations and breast-works, as my uncle Toby would a citadel. There was one plaguy rub in the way of thisthe scarcity of materials to make any thing of a defence with, in case of a smart attack; inasmuch as few men of great genius had exercised their parts in writing books upon the subject of great noses: by the trotting of my lean horse, the thing is incredible! and I am quite lost in my understanding, when I am considering what a treasure of precious time and talents together has been wasted upon worse subjectsand how many millions of books in all languages and in all possible types and bindings, have been fabricated upon points not half so much tending to the unity and peace-making of the world. What was to be had, however, he set the greater store by; and though my father would oft- times sport with my uncle Tobys librarywhich, by-the-bye, was ridiculous enoughyet at the very same time he did it, he collected every book and treatise which had been systematically wrote upon noses, with as much care as my honest uncle Toby had done those upon military architecture.Tis true, a much less table would have held thembut that was not thy transgression, my dear uncle. Herebut why hererather than in any other part of my storyI am not able to tell:but here it ismy heart stops me to pay to thee, my dear uncle Toby, once for all, the tribute I owe thy goodness.Here let me thrust my chair aside, and kneel down upon the ground, whilst I am pouring forth the warmest |
||||||||
|
||||||||
|
||||||||
Copyright: All texts on Bibliomania are © Bibliomania.com Ltd, and may not be reproduced in any form without our written permission. See our FAQ for more details. | ||||||||