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Chapter 13 Tho my father persisted in not going on with the discourseyet he could not get my uncle Tobys smoke- jack out of his headpiqued as he was at first with it;there was something in the comparison at the bottom, which hit his fancy; for which purpose, resting his elbow upon the table, and reclining the right side of his head upon the palm of his handbut looking first stedfastly in the firehe began to commune with himself, and philosophize about it: but his spirits being wore out with the fatigues of investigating new tracts, and the constant exertion of his faculties upon that variety of subjects which had taken their turn in the discoursethe idea of the smoke jack soon turned all his ideas upside downso that he fell asleep almost before he knew what he was about. As for my uncle Toby, his smoke-jack had not made a dozen revolutions, before he fell asleep also.Peace be with them both!Dr. Slop is engaged with the midwife and my mother above stairs.Trim is busy in turning an old pair of jack-boots into a couple of mortars, to be employed in the siege of Messina next summerand is this instant boring the touch-holes with the point of a hot poker.All my heroes are off my hands;tis the first time I have had a moment to spareand Ill make use of it, and write my preface. The Authors Preface No, Ill not say a word about ithere it is;in publishing itI have appealed to the worldand to the world I leave it;it must speak for itself. All I know of the matter iswhen I sat down, my intent was to write a good book; and as far as the tenuity of my understanding would hold outa wise, aye, and a discreettaking care only, as I went along, to put into it all the wit and the judgment (be it more or less) which the great Author and Bestower of them had thought fit originally to give meso that, as your worships seetis just as God pleases. Now, Agalastes (speaking dispraisingly) sayeth, That there may be some wit in it, for aught he knowsbut no judgment at all. And Triptolemus and Phutatorius agreeing thereto, ask, How is it possible there should? for that wit and judgment in this world never go together; inasmuch as they are two operations differing from each other as wide as east from westSo, says Lockeso are farting and hickuping, say I. But in answer to this, Didius the great church lawyer, in his code de fartendi et illustrandi fallaciis, doth maintain and make fully appear, That an illustration is no argumentnor do I maintain the wiping of a looking-glass clean to be a syllogism;but you all, may it please your worships, see the better for itso that the main good these things do is only to clarify the understanding, previous to the application of the argument itself, in order to free it from any little motes, or specks of opacular matter, which, if left swimming therein, might hinder a conception and spoil all. Now, my dear anti-Shandeans, and thrice able criticks, and fellow-labourers (for to you I write this Preface)and to you, most subtle statesmen and discreet doctors (dopull off your beards) renowned for gravity and wisdom;Monopolus, my politicianDidius, my counsel; Kysarcius, my friend;Phutatorius, my guide;Gastripheres, the preserver of my life; Somnolentius, the balm and repose of itnot forgetting all others, as well sleeping as waking, ecclesiastical as civil, whom for brevity, but out of no resentment to you, I lump all together.Believe me, right worthy, My most zealous wish and fervent prayer in your behalf, and in my own too, in case the thing is not done already for usis, that the great gifts and endowments both of wit and judgment, with every thing which usually goes along with themsuch as memory, fancy, genius, eloquence, quick parts, and what not, may this precious moment, without stint or measure, let or hindrance, be poured down warm as each of us could bear itscum and sediment and all (for I would not have a drop lost) into the several receptacles, cells, cellules, domiciles, dormitories, refectories, and spare places of our brainsin such sort, that they might continue to be injected and tunnd into, according to the true intent and meaning of my wish, until every vessel of them, both great and small, be so replenishd, saturated, and filled up therewith, that no more, would it save a mans life, could possibly be got either in or out. |
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