`Yes, it is a ghastly innovation', Lady Muriel replied, `letting the waiters carry round the wine at dessert. For one thing, they always take it the wrong way round--which of course brings bad luck to everybody present!'

`Better go the wrong way than not go at all!' said our host. `Would you kindly help yourself?' (This was to the fat red-faced man.) `You are not a teetotaler, I think?'

`Indeed but I am!' he replied, as he pushed on the bottles. `Nearly twice as much money is spent in England on Drink, as on any other article of food. Read this card.' (What faddist ever goes about without a pocketful of the appropriate literature?) `The stripes of different colours represent the amounts spent of various articles of food. Look at the highest three. Money spent on butter and on cheese, thirty-five millions: on bread, seventy millions: on intoxicating liquors, one hundred and thirty-six millions! If I had my way, I would close every public-house in the land! Look at that card, and read the motto. That's where all the money goes to!'

`Have you seen the Anti-Teetotal Card?' Arthur innocently enquired.

`No, Sir, I have not!' the orator savagely replied. `What is it like?'

`Almost exactly like this one. The coloured stripes are the same. Only, instead of the words "Money spent on", it has "Incomes derived from sale of"; and, instead of "That's where all the money goes to", its motto is "That's where all the money comes from!" '

The red-faced man scowled, but evidently considered Arthur beneath his notice. So Lady Muriel took up the cudgels. `Do you hold the theory,' she enquired, `that people can preach teetotalism more effectually by being teetotalers themselves?'

`Certainly I do!' replied the red-faced man. `Now, here is a case in point,' unfolding a newspaper-cutting: `let me read you this letter from a teetotaler. To the Editor. Sir, I was once a moderate drinker, and knew a man who drank to excess. I went to him. "Give up this drink," I said. "It will ruin your health!" "You drink," he said: "why shouldn't I?" "Yes," I said, "but I know when to leave off." He turned away from me. "You drink in your way," he said: "let me drink in mine. Be off!" Then I saw that, to do any good with him, I must forswear drink. From that hour I haven't touched a drop!'

`There! What do you say to that?' He looked round triumphantly, while the cutting was handed round for inspection.

`How very curious!' exclaimed Arthur when it had reached him. `Did you happen to see a letter, last week, about early rising? It was strangely like this one.'

The red-faced man's curiosity was roused. `Where did it appear?' he asked.

`Let me read it to you,' said Arthur. He took some papers from his pocket, opened one of them, and read as follows. To the Editor. Sir, I was once a moderate sleeper, and knew a man who slept to excess. I pleaded with him. "Give up this lying in bed," I said. "It will ruin your health!" "You go to bed," he said: "why shouldn't I?" "Yes," I said, "but I know when to get up in the morning." He turned away from me. "You sleep in your way," he said: "let me sleep in mine. Be off!" Then I saw that to do any good with him, I must forswear sleep. From that hour I haven't been to bed!'

Arthur folded and pocketed his paper, and passed on the newspaper-cutting. None of us dared to laugh, the red-faced man was evidently so angry. `Your parallel doesn't run on all fours!' he snarled.

`Moderate drinkers never do so!' Arthur quietly replied. Even the stern old lady laughed at this.

`But it needs many other things to make a perfect dinner!' said Lady Muriel, evidently anxious to change the subject. `Mein Herr! What is your idea of a perfect dinner party?'